I’ve subscribed to receive an “EnneaThought for the Day” from the Enneagram Institute about recognizing my patterns of interaction. Today’s update gave me something to consider.
As I read the short comments, I recognized I have a pattern of how I respond to situations that is certainly helpful in many situations, but may create challenges in other situations. I realize this sounds simplistic in that this happens to all of us. However, what sparked for me upon reading this today is that this may be more fundamental than I recognize. The question that comes to mind is “When does our default method of responding move from being a good, helpful thing to becoming a cause of difficulty?”
For example, I’m a fairly analytical person. I’ve not needed any assessment or feedback to indicate this. However, it has been confirmed with various methods, including one which suggests that my Enneagram style is that of “The Investigator” or more deeply “The Troubleshooter” or “The Social Specialist” (see How We Recognize Self for more information on the use of various methodologies for recognizing self). This becomes a wonderful style and pattern of interaction when I’m dealing with a problem that needs to be solved, or an issue that needs a (re)solution. My work in the world of organization design & effectiveness benefits from this because I can dispassionately consider the needs of the organization, the processes in place, and the outcomes generated.
However, this default style or pattern of mine becomes problematic when dealing with a person to help or an individual to figuratively “hold”. In these situations, no one really cares how well I can understand the situation, clarify expectations, or find a solution. No, in these situations, an individual wants to be heard, seen, and known for the situation they are in. I need to be present and be with them rather than be detached and dispassionate.
What comes naturally and easy to me is truly a strength in certain situations, but can become a liability in other situations:
- My capacity to step back and understand complexity can lead to insight. Yet stepping back can also create distance from others.
- My desire and ability to obtain sufficient understanding can produce thoughtful judgment. However, it can also make it harder for me to just participate before understanding.
- My objectivity can help me see situations clearly. It can also cause me to remain outside an experience I need to inhabit.
- My independence of thought can keep me from falling into conformity. But it can also make relying or depending on another person less instinctive or natural — less relational.
Realizing that something that is more natural to me can be helpful in many situations, but harmful in others is a bit eye-opening. It gives me pause to consider that what I’ve leaned on for years to help me succeed could also be causing me to remain distant from others, or — more particularly — disconnected from others.
In our human existence, where we are both logical and emotional beings, does this lead me to logically understand a situation or an emotion, but not fully participate in the situation or emotion?
Do I recognize my “self” through understanding of situations, concepts, and descriptions, when what I really need to do is just “be” and meet my “self” through experience to truly recognize and understand myself?
What begins to occur in my life when I pause understanding and allow experiencing to occur?
